World Start Turning on My Depression

Could the same man who gave us Jessie’s Girl and Doctor Noah Drake make a difference? Is depression an affair of the heart? And have I sometimes been Walking on the Edge of a Suicide Manifesto like a Working Class Dog? Yes.

If you do not know who Rick Springfield is, here is the brief rundown.

He was a popular rock heartthrob in the 80’s who was also a Soap Opera star. MTV was a good time for his good looks to shine. But the thing about Rick Springfield is he has stood the test of time as a serious musician with 22 studio albums, 12 compilation albums, and 5 live albums. He is a critically acclaimed author of fiction and non fiction and even been in a few movies. I will admit that I secretly liked his music in the 80s. But I never expected that in my 50’s I would become and fan and find inspiration and hope through the eternal pretty boy.

I do not want to say how many times I have attempted suicide. It is hard to say how often I thought about it because it was often a background noise that I could not get to completely go away. In 2019 after 2 years of constant ideations I overdosed with a fifth of fireball chaser. The only reason I am still here is due to a bunch of cops and paramedics that took a wellness call seriously.

Complex trauma and recurrent depression sometimes rip nostalgia and now from me and take me into a darkness I would not wish on my worst enemy.

Triggers, night terrors, flashbacks, and the darkness. It is always there. And well meaning mental health ally wannabes meme some of the most useless shit out there and speak with platitudes and toxic positively. The only help that offers is that you wanna stay alive long enough to tell them all to get fucked.

But every once in awhile a public figure says something that gets you because it is honest, a little dark, and you know they get it from a very real place.

I am not sure where I heard him say it, but in 2022 Rick Springfield spoke on his depression and said, “It’s a life sentence.” That was when I knew it was time to do a deeper dive.

I came across a 2018 interview he did on Sirius XM’s Feedback. In it he said,

“Last year I was close to it, really close to it, ‘Suicide Manifesto’ is stuff I think about. I’ve been close to it. When Robin Williams and Chester [Bennington and Chris Cornell] and those guys … I didn’t go, ‘Oh that’s terrible.’ I went, ‘I get it.’ I get being that lost and dark. You’re in so much pain that you just want it to end. I have been there and I know what it’s like and I understand. It’s just part of your makeup.”

In the deep dive I learned that he has been open about his depression, including a failed suicide attempt in his teens, since his autobiography. He is an outspoken advocate for mental health and wants people who suffer from depression not feel ashamed of it.

The quote above is what he does better than the ABC after school very special episode surface level crap can never do. It taps into the honesty where you can trust what he says because it is real and what you feel.

Springfield uses art, lyrics, and compositions as his coping skill to channel his dark energy into something beautiful. He has three songs I have found in his extensive catalogue. They are important and have slipped through the cracks between Jessie’s Girl and Bop Till You Drop.

World Start Turning

The first is World Stop Turning. It is softer and more hopeful than the other two, but it contains a heartfelt honesty that cannot be denied. He honestly takes on the toxic positivity and manifesting Secret crap head on:

We were taught if man believes in
What he wants in America
It’s only a matter of time
Just a matter of seasons
But I walk through the houses of the dreams that died

But yet he still offers hope in the midst of pain. You can turn into the wind with your heart beating as you accept some things were never meant to be as you move forward.

This is a song that gives a deeper dive and turns up the heat a little.

My life, my depression
My sin, my confession
my curse, my obsession
my school, my lesson

This song is more hard hitting and even though it may not have the spin of hope, the hope is in the honesty and that anger and frustration. It is shock and denial and anger that leads to the acceptance in one brilliant song.

This is the song that Rick Springfield touches on in the Sirius XM interview. It a raw vein cut open that screams in the darkness of despair.

There’s a dead end sign in front of me
Managed by a godless cop
It gets so bad sometimes
I just want it all to stop
There’s nothing here worth living for

This song, rather like Disintegration by the Cure, is not something that is an often played anthem. It taps into that moment of anger and rage where pain and anguish crescendo and you are not sure what you have left in you, but you somehow find it. It is not a song for the feint of heart, but I think it is an important song.

The Concert!

In fall of 2023 I got went to see Rick Springfield in concert for the first time. By this point I had become a fan as I dove into him and his stellar body of work.

The concert was fabulous. In a time where many artists from the 80’s have lost their voices and energy, he is still on point and delivers an amazing show. But then he did something in the middle of his set.

He stopped and spoke for a full four or five minutes about his depression and his coping with it. He also offered his audience…me…a release from shame from the beast in an authentic and earnest speech. It was his introduction to playing “World Start Turning.”

I sat during his speech holding back tears. As the song played I stood with a fist raised in the air in the same way a woman I knew named Sarah did at a Joan Jett concert a lifetime ago.

June is suicide prevention month and I was not in the mood for the memes so I decided to open up a dialogue to a select audience in social media. Inspired by Rick Springfield, I was just open and raw and real. And something amazing happened. Others joined in who felt the same way. And the discussions were sublime, beautiful, powerful, and honest.

In the dark honesty we found hope and healing. That is what has saved my life since I woke up in a hospital bed in 2019 and wondered, now what?

2023 I got to see someone I had not seen in decades in a show. The woman she is now stood in front of an audience and told her story. It was honest, beautiful, pulled no punches, and was profound. She was not alone. Others told their stories of survival.

It was not an ABC after school special or very special episode. It was real, gritty, and made a difference to audience members who spoke after the show.

Our malls were amazing and important. In almost every mall was a Waldenbooks.

And in the 80’s we leaned into self help books. We used platitudes and unrealistic thoughts to drown the honest noise inside us. Band aids over bullet wounds.

Down the street from the mall was usually a gym with a lot full of 5.0 Mustangs covered in Oakley stickers as men buried their emotions and converted it to aggression.

Oh…and cocaine and wine. We had a lot of coke!

Gen Z generally does not bury the emotions. They talk about it from the same space of honesty that Rick, me, and some other precious and beautiful souls do. Following that example has helped me be the man I am today. Do I still have trauma and depression? Of course. But I also have people who love me. I can give voice to my pain and my joy. And I no longer have shame.

In this project, the people you meet and the stories you hear will have an undercurrent of trauma, but it also has in it the hope for a better now that creates a stronger and more beautiful tomorrow.

I know it is a platitude and my hypocrisy knows no end, but bear with me. In my June conversations and in the wake of Rick’s songs, people who are not in tune wonder if you are okay. The other people in the trenches sharing the dark thoughts and gallows humor are finding solace and hope in the honesty.

There came a point in my overdose that I no longer wanted to die and I was afraid it was too late. I fought for my life and I am still fighting. Eventually the life sentence will end and the ferryman will take me to the other side. But while I am here I am fighting. Sometimes that means I am fighting me. And I am not fighting that fight alone. As horrible as it is that we suffer, I am better for the ones who suffer with me.

The ones who meme the most that they are there for you are the least prepared for our darkness. Your hypervigilance is a gift. You know who gets it and who you can trust.

Find your tribe, say the unspoken, and fuck anyone who can’t deal with it. It is you and that makes it beautiful.

I don’t want to sound like a PSA here. But if you are reading this and are struggling to stay in the game of life. Please do. The system is broken and the help for some of us…the real help we need…is elusive. I know that. You know that. But on the other side of my last attempt I have found a tribe and my vibe. Am I healed? Fuck no. But I am alive and it is worth it even when it doesn’t feel like it.

Make the call. A hotline, a friend that doesn’t read The Secret, whatever you need to do.

I have been there and I might be there again. It’s not your fault. Make it through today. And when tomorrow is today. Make it though today.

Stay totally awesome!

Stay True to you!

Stay!

If you liked this article, you may like the movie review I wrote about Benny and Joon. It is a neurodivergent and mental health love story worth learning more about.

The magazine is more than retro fun, it is a high quality beautiful experince with articles that matter.

In depth cover story, movie reviews, album reviews, product/company reviews, thoughts from the community, and even yearbook splash pages!

It is art, nostalgia, and now all in one keepsake magazine you will keep for years to come!

Click here to go to the store and order yours today!

There are three ways you can do this:

1. Share this story with a friend and leave a comment.

2. Tip me! I do not have a contract with anyone in this work and for it to continue I need support.

3. Become a Members Only Patreon! In the Patreon I will have unfiltered rants, exclusive content, free PDF copies of the upcoming quarterly magazine, and more.

Thank you for your support and taking the time to read this.

Stay Totally Awesome! Stay true to you.