The Great Cabbage Patch Kids Riots of 1983

Cabbage Patch doll carried away by 2 police officers

Before online shopping, most people went shopping in retail stores. If a toy became a viral sensation, violence was deemed acceptable in the season of good cheer and peace on earth. This tradition has become common in the 2000’s and 1990’s.

Before Zhu Zhu Pets, the Wii, Tamagotchi’s, and Tickle Me Elmo there was one toy that started the revolution of Christmas shopping violence so profoundly that history has given it a name.

Christmas of 1983 gave us the Cabbage Patch Riots!

Coleco

Between Q4 of 1982 and Q4 of 1983, toy and electronics maker Coleco became a dominant force on toy shelves and in the New York Stock Exchange. Their stock prices, in short time, rose from  $6.87 to $36.75 per share. The largest retailers were making more shelf space for Coleco toys and buying more units knowing they would clear shelves. This included, but was not limited to Sears, JC Penney, Wards, Macy’s, Kmart, Zayre, and Toys-R-Us.

The biggest and hottest toy they had most of these retailers would order hundreds at a time, but that was not enough for the thousands in every town in America that wanted one.

The hot item that turned heads on store shelves and on Wall Street was the Cabbage Patch Kid Doll.

The Cabbage Patch Doll

Cabbage Patch Kid Doll

A small operation created hand made dolls that you could not buy, but could adopt. They came with adoption records and birth certificates. They were called Little People, but as the dolls grew more popular they had to change the name since Fisher Price owned the rights to a different toy line called Little People. With the name change, they added a folklore to explain how abandoned babies were found in a Cabbage Patch.

It all starts with BunnyBees. These bee-like creatures flew about with their bunny ears and pollinated cabbages with magical crystals. A curious ten-year-old boy, Roberts, based on the creator of the dolls, discovered the Cabbage Patch Kids by following a BunnyBee behind a waterfall into a magical Cabbage Patch. There, Cabbage Patch babies were being born in a neglected cabbage patch garden.

Every story needs a villain and the antagonists in this tale were Lavender McDade and her two partners in crime, Cabbage Jack and Beau Weasel. These three villains would abduct these abandoned babies and put them into forced child labor in their gold mines. Roberts had only one play to save these abandoned babies from forced labor. Find loving parents who would adopt them and keep them safe in their homes.

The creators tried to sell the rights to these oddly popular dolls to larger toy manufacturers who all rejected them. Coleco, who predominately made hand held electronic toys saw an opportunity, bought the rights, modified the design of the dolls to fit mass production, and got them on shelves.

America could not get enough of them and in one holiday shopping season just under 3 million Cabbage Patch Kids were rescued from hard labor in gold mines.

Supply Demands Violence

In a December 1983 issue of Time Magazine, reporter Otto Friedrich stated, “Most stores at the time typically stocked only between two and five hundred of the product, and with thousands of customers surging the stores, attempting to obtain one of the dolls, many fought with other customers to obtain one.”

The violence to get a Cabbage Patch Kid Doll under the Christmas tree included hitting, shoving, and trampling, as well as some customers attacking others with weapons such as baseball bats and other melee weapons in order to obtain a Cabbage Patch. Retail stores had trampled displays and smashed glass. People went to hospitals or got arrested.

Retailers had never seen anything like this and were ill prepared to deal with violent outbursts in the toy departments by grown adults. One method many retailers took to was offering “purchase tickets” to the first several hundred customers. They could use the purchase tickets at a special kiosk and receive the doll that was hidden behind the shelf. This stemmed some of the violence, but did not eliminate it. This plan resulted in lines where people would wait several hours leaving hundreds, sometimes thousands, without a purchase ticket. In frustration, fights broke out in the parking lots instead of in the stores.

Why Did They Become So Viral?

To this day no one is completely sure. The aforementioned Time Magazine story did have a theory from a mental health expert. The Doctor’s hypothesis was “most children between the ages of six and twelve fantasize that they were really adopted,” which made it appealing to experience the adoption fantasy through the dolls, which came with birth certificates and adoption papers.

Like memes and videos, products have a science to generating buzz and increasing sales. You have to have all the basic elements in place. But viral is this fascinating intersect of psychology, social behavior, and timing. Something happened that we had never seen before. But it would not be the last time. In the over 40 years since there have been viral toys in which people resorted to violence. We also see this phenomenon occur with Black Friday specials.

The Lesson of the Cabbage Patch Kid Riots In the Year of Tickle Me Elmo

tickle me elmo doll in box

Christmas of 1983 I had been living with my grandparents for 5 months. I was safe for the first time in years from the abuse I had been living in years at the hands of my mom’s husband. For me, safety was enough. I had a cousin three years younger than me who’s largest trauma was head lice in the first grade. She wanted a Cabbage Patch Kid.

My uncle and aunt had tried to enlist my grandparents in help obtaining a Cabbage Patch Kid for her. My grandmother told them that was not happening. “I am not sending Gene out on a crusade to get mauled over a goddamn doll for Christmas. We lived through the depression and that man sometimes worked 2 jobs to keep food on the table, not the latest and greatest toy. Christmas is love and family and not this mob rule. We will go out together with baseball bats and axes if that is what it takes to feed you, but not for a doll. Next year those things will be everywhere and you can get her one for her birthday.”

She was right. In 1984 they were still popular, but readily available and no one was hurting one another to get one.

In the fall of 2006, Tickle Me Elmo Extreme became the hot toy and I had a six year child at home. On the news we were seeing reports of mobs that were sometimes violent trying to get the perfect git for their kid. My child wanted one.

I told my child that the doll was very hard to get right now and there were more mommy’s and daddy’s trying to get them for their kids than there were Tickle Me Elmo dolls. Some mommy’s and daddy’s are being mean to each other and store workers to get one and that is not what Christmas is about. After Christmas there will be more of those dolls and we will not have to fight for one and I do not want to fight for one. Toys are supposed to be fun. So we are going to wait to get one.

My kid was totally fine with this and as we got closer to their birthday, they preferred the Tickle Me Cookie Monster anyway. It was also less expensive.

I was recently asked by another parent if I would do anything it took to get my child the one thing they wanted for Christmas. My answer was no. I would, and have, done whatever it took for my child to be safe, to have food, medical care, a safe education and other things. But a thing on Christmas? That is not love, that is madness.

The Cost

According to a study by Nami “Overall respondents reported that the holidays contribute to feeling sad or dissatisfied and 68% are financially strained. 66% have experienced loneliness, 63% too much pressure and 57% unrealistic expectations. 55% found themselves remembering happier times in the past contrasting with the present, while 50% were unable to be with loved ones.”

As far as the debt. According to Nerd Wallet many Christmas shoppers will draw from their emergency funds to buy gifts, and others will prioritize gifts over household bills such as utilities and debt payments.

Half of Americans will choose credit debt to fund Christmas this year. Half of those people are still paying off their credit debt and loans they took out for Christmas 2023.

Increased debt and reduced mental health is not peace, joy, and goodwill to all. It is a cost that is not worth it.

Maybe this time of year would be better suited to presence as opposed to presents.

Stay totally awesome!

Stay True to you!

Give Christmas Support to Pat Green, Fem Friday, and Hearts of Glass!

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2 responses to “The Great Cabbage Patch Kids Riots of 1983”

  1. Jennifer Lindberg Avatar
    Jennifer Lindberg

    Great article! I didn’t know (or had intentionally blocked out) the origin story of the Cabage Patch Dolls (very dark) and all I remember are the mobs and violence. Great reminder of what matters this season, what’s important. And I freaking love the articles that include the wise words of your grandparents…. When the Hearts of Glass trilogy is done, we need a book on the life lessons learned by those wonderful grandparents. 😊

    1. Pat Green Avatar

      If we were to direct quote my grandmother, it would definitely be NSFW. Fictional versions of them exist in Hearts of Glass. My favorite of hers to this day is wish in one hand and shit in the other and see which gets full first. But they saved my life at the age of 13 and never once failed to be there for me when I needed it.

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