Surviving the Upside Down: The Enduring Power of Nostalgia

Did the Duffer Brothers create one of the most powerful moments on the small screen? Does Max show us a path through the trauma? Was Stranger Things one of the inspirations of the Gen X Watch Project? Can nostalgia matter today and save us? Why do I start articles with questions? Yes. And because questions are more important than the answers.

In Season 4 of Stranger Things, my favorite character, Max, is held captive by the main antagonist, Vecna. In his lair in the Upside Down he shows his victims their worst fears and experiences before murdering them. Meanwhile, in the real world her friends have to find her favorite song and play it for her unresponsive body in the hopes the song can bring her back and prevent her death.

Watching this episode for the first time was emotional for me. I was literally at the edge of my seat leaning forward toward my screen yelling at the television. I cannot remember any scene on the small or big screen that got me that involved in my adult life.

It stuck with me. I have sometimes studied the scene and though I do not have that same level of suspense, there is still an impact.

May is mental health awareness and suicide prevention month. As a survivor of a suicide attempt and one who has struggled with mental health and trauma, I feel it is more important to talk about this shit than meme about it. And this scene hits hard in that regard.

In my quest to discover why I feel the way I do about the scene, I found a sub-reddit once.

In a sub reddit for r/StrangerThings, a member by the name of Astral Voyager had this to say as the OP of a thread titled, “The beauty behind Max “running up that hill”, and what Vecna actually stands for.“

“At first I thought that Vecna was only meant to personify depression, and used the vulnerability of his victims to kill them against their will. But now, I’m also beginning to think that he mostly stood for suicide. If you look back at the teens he killed, somewhere in their subconscious, I think they kind of wanted that to happen in the first place. He offered them a way to make the pain go away, and they didn’t put up much of a struggle. It’s why Max was able to live. We saw her dig deep in her soul and realize that there’s people she loves that are worth living for. Recall that Nancy said that the music would only act as a “lifeline”. A lifeline is only useful if you take it, and that’s what Max did. She still had to fight like hell to “run up that hill” and save her life. It was a 50/50. Beautiful message by the Duffers.“

The thread continues with beautiful thoughts of people like me who have been there in the throes of depression and suicidal thoughts and found their way back.

In the end of Season 3 of the show, Max faced some serious trauma in the manner in which her step brother died. In Brenna Yovanoff’s Stranger Things Book, “Runaway Max”, you get to know more about her childhood. Her life with her step father was one of abuse and isolation. Moving to the town of Hawkins, Indiana was further isolation for her.

Making friends was unexpected for Max and it provided healing. But the traumas she would experience would bring her back to isolation and distance. Her lifeline was music. “Running up that Hill” by Kate Bush would play on her Walkman over and over again as she walked through the halls. She could tune out the world but still be connected with something.

But Vecna would play on her survivor’s guilt and she would continue to isolate and enter depression. I am not sure he dragged her into the darkness of the Upside Down. Those of us who experience trauma are already there, especially when we get to the point we want to end it all.

Vecna makes that clear to her when she sees light in the distance where her friends are trying to get through to her. To help. But Vecna, as the voice of depression and suicide, tells her the thing so many of us believe when we are at the edge.

“They can’t help you, Max. There’s a reason you hide from them. You belong here. With me.“

You do believe in that moment that no one can help you. As far as the reasons we hide our truth from others. It is complex. Trauma, shame, guilt, and trust. Some people we hide from because if we are being honest, their reactions to these truths sucks. They can sometimes compound the pain or have useless platitudes like the end of every episode of He-Man. But there are others who truly care and love us and could help, but we believe that we do not deserve that love, kindness, and support.

“Do you think human creativity matters? Well, most people don’t spend a lot of time thinking about poetry, right? They have a life to live and they’re really not that concerned with Allen Ginsberg’s poems or anyone’s poems—until, their father dies; they go to a funeral; you lose a child; someone breaks your heart. And all of a sudden you’re desperate for making sense out of this life. ‘Has anybody felt this bad before? How did they come out of this cloud?’ Or the inverse—something great. You meet somebody and your heart explodes—you love them so much you can’t even see straight. You’re dizzy. ‘Did anybody feel like this before? What is happening to me?’ And that’s when art’s not a luxury—it’s actually sustenance. We need it.”-Ethan Hawke, TED

A favorite song in the soundtrack of Max’s life. That was her lifeline and her sustenance. There is something about lifelines we do not think about when we speak of them. When a lifeline is thrown out to a drowning person, they have to grab for it. If they do not grab the lifeline, they drown. The lifeline and sustenance of the arts, be it music, poetry, a show, or something else, is powerful.

“There is a lovely warmness about feelings of nostalgia as though in one’s head one is putting on a pair of comfy old slippers and curling up in front of a fire.”-Bill Geist

Max grabs the lifeline of the song, closes her eyes, and has her nostalgic memories. Laughing at the mall, a high school dance, the first kiss, meeting friends, laughter in a movie theater, and more. The simple moments of our past that happened in the midst of our life that is less than ideal. Moments that made the pain bearable and even forgotten. Bright points of light that can illuminate the darkness. Nostalgia is not being lost in a the past, it can help bring us back to life in the present. The remember when conversations of life show the bonds that we desire now and wish to have tomorrow.

Nostalgia that matters today is not just a clever tagline for Gen X Watch, it is the core of what we do.

“When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand.” -Henri Nouwen

The music and the memories have Max reach out to her friends. And she has to fight like hell to get to them. Vecna (depression and suicidal thoughts) keeps throwing obstacles to stop her from getting there. Max has to run up that hill and keep running to get to the other side, allow herself to be held by them as she assures them, and herself, “I’m still here. I’m still here.”

On Veteran’s Day of 2019 I did not reach out for the lifeline. I turned off the music. Instead of fond remembrances there was only the dread of the present realities and no future in sight. The friends had been shoved away as I lived in isolation in a home that looked more like a disaster area than a home. I was lost and I listened to Vecna with no fight left.

It was only in the ambulance and then in the ER that I found myself wanting to live. In the hospital I was calm. My uncle, the nurse, and the cops saw a me that was embarrassed and exhausted, but relieved to be alive. Shortly after the police and my uncle left my room the nurse would enter with 2 staff members and a gurney to take me to ICU. The test results came back and the overdose was working after all. My body was shutting down. The last thing I remember was losing consciousness as I had violent convulsions in the elevator and I heard the nurse scream at me, “Don’t you dare!”

The last 4 and a half years I have been running like hell up that hill. And along the way I have been fueled by music, poetry and art. There has been the nostalgia that reminded me of the sublime moments that co exist with the horrific ones. And then there are my friends. We share the music and the memories. I run toward them because of the art we enjoy together and the memories we make.

I’m still here.

Your pain is valid and things are really horrible for so many of us right now. I never judge anyone who wants to check out. And some of our friends are shit and they are so unaware of what comes out of their mouths about depression and suicide you begin to wonder how the fuck they manage to get out of bed in the morning with their limited cognitive abilities. But for whatever it is worth, the music, the nostalgia, and the real people out there have beauty. The fight out of the upside down sometimes feels impossible and the Vecna voice inside of us is powerful.

I hope you fight like hell.

It is exhausting, and for those who know the show, you will know that Max and Vecna meet again. I’d love to tell you that I came out of that November moment with everything being sunshine and roses. No. Sometimes the ideations, the trauma, and the inner Vecna bring us back to the upside down. Please grab the lifeline. When I am back in the upside down it is all I have.

I’m still here and would like very much to talk about more memories and art with you here.

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