Olive Branch to Gen Z from Gen X Watch

Andrew: My God, are we gonna be like our parents?
Claire: [teary] Not me…ever.
Allison: It’s unavoidable, it just happens.
Claire: What happens?
Allison: When you grow up, your heart dies…
Bender: Who cares?
Allison: I care.
― The Breakfast Club

This scene from The Breakfast Club was part of what is known as the Library Confessions scene. The entire scene was ad-libbed by the cast at the request of director John Hughes. He wanted this scene to be true to the generation the story was about. Meaning this excerpt came from within each young actor. It was an honest and real fear.

The truth is, a lot of us let our hearts die and became what hurt us. Some of us cared, and still do. Some of us kept Claire’s vow, but not enough. And you, Gen Z (and Alpha and Millennials) paid the price and suffered at our hands.

I cannot make an apology on behalf of my generation. A quick look at some of the most popular Gen X content creators will show they are not sorry. Some seem to be filled with hubris and witty delight at the harm we have done. Beyond the content creators, a simple look about the state of the world will show you our legacy. Our fingerprints are on many crime scenes including the environment, toxic workplaces, and lack of resources and opportunities for you. This is just a few crime scenes that we have partnered with others on.

What I am here to do is to issue a personal mea culpa and ask for your help.

The Legend of Fatherman

I am not sure if Fatherman is a nickname or an honorary title like being knighted. It is what my Gen Z adult child and their friends call me. I give love and unconditional acceptance to them. But since they were all in grade school I adopted what I learned from Mister Rogers and spoke with them as peers as opposed to at them. My ears are bigger than my mouth. When an advocate is needed to speak to a school board or another parent or politician on their behalf, I was there for it.

I was not perfect along the way. I recently apologized to my child for all the times when they were young and experiencing pain that my advice and comfort was to tell them to “shake it off”. When they came out to me, there are 15 minutes of my life that I wish I could take back and do over again. I spent years apologizing for it and a lifetime living better as a parent, advocate, and ally.

On behalf of the Gen Z loves I have in my life I have rallied hard against horrific Facebook posts and statements at dinner parties where parents and teachers my age made jokes at your expense claiming you are the reason they need wine. My reminder that you can read or hear them blaming you for their problem drinking and toxicity has rarely been received well. But I remember what it was like to have my mom blame me for her drinking problem. It hurts and that hurt never goes away.

My own previously untreated mental health, failed suicide attempt and past addictions left my kid with confusion and pain. I have said and done some stupid shit, but I have owned it and have done the work and made the changes and still look at myself in the mirror and continue to do so.

That is who I am. A man who made a shit ton of mistakes but has tried to love well and am loved back by so many of your generation. Because of them I am a better me and I am eternally grateful of the symbiosis.

The Mission and the Problem

In this project called Gen X Watch, me and my team are trying to be an honest and humble counter to the bullshit. Besides me, my other key columnist is a dear friend named Jeremy. Jeremy is a Gen X queer man who has survived heroin addiction and some other shit and thinks a lot like me, but says things better than I do.

Earlier this week Jeremy wrote a piece that takes a hard look at my generation’s nostalgia and the harm we have done to others and ourselves. It kicks off this month’s theme, which includes you. For our generation we are trying to hold up a mirror and ask us all to take an honest look, face the pain and the beauty, and stop being gatekeepers to the joy and love and discovery that others, like you, have a right to.

The other thing we are aspiring towards is to be time travelers yearning to be heard. If you don’t hit the hyperlink, here is what that means. In a book I read when I was 13 a bunch of middle schoolers go to see a “time machine”. It is just an old man on a porch telling stories that they enjoyed. They learned about themselves through the stories and a time and place he lived in. There is power in stories.

You are the generation that in the 2020’s put Kate Bush and Metallica back on the charts, buy records, and take film photography again. You are rediscovering the Golden Girls and Breakfast Club. But you are doing all of these things through your own lens, but it came from a good story. I am not sure how and why you found the beauty in things we enjoyed, but I would love to learn how that happened.

I hope our stories about trauma, surviving some shit, and discovery in a time and place matter. To the over 6,000 repeat readers we have earned this year they are having an impact. I’m even writing a YA trilogy right now set in the 80s based on real experiences me and some friends experienced after discussion with a rep of a publisher who loves some of the stories I’ve told here.

But the bit I need your help on? Earning your readership and engagement.

I Need Your Help

I would like one or two of you to contribute here as a writer. Your words, your perspective, your views. Your voice. I would also love to have your comments and thoughts on the articles so that the ones who kept the promises not to be like their parents and who said, “I care” can continue to learn and grow.

John Hughes did not write or conventionally direct the most powerful scene in the Breakfast Club. He just gave the opportunity for the creatives to bring something honest and poignant and beautiful to life. That is what I am offering here in some ways.

And yes, I’d like you to hear our stories in the hopes that there can be common ground found in the beautiful mess called life.

I wrote a series of articles about some women I knew when I was a young man in the 80s that helped me not become an alpha incel. The three that the novels are based on can be found here.

We are failing to have any reach to people of Generation Z. In the very binary stats of my audience, the largest segment is Gen X and Millennial Women. But your Generation? I have some older Gen Z readers (25 to 27)that identify as women that is about 5% of my audience. But the rest of your generation is a sliver. The generation that I love more than I can properly express is one who’s time I have failed to earn. And I don’t know how. In tangible life it is easy for me, but in the digital life I’m lost.

On the digital front, I know how to use Facebook and Insta, but not as effectively as I used to. I used to know how to use Twitter/X but I left that space for my own mental health. For whatever reason when we get on Tik Tok we get struck while the lowest common denominator of my generation doesn’t.

But I do not want to market to you. I don’t want your money or your likes and I have no interest in being an influencer taking advantage of you for my gain. But I do want to earn your engagement and have you be a part of this project.

I can’t promise we will change the world. But maybe we will make a difference to a few people and change a few hearts. Maybe we will learn from each other. We might have a little fun together.

I hope you somehow read this and decide to help. I’d like your help. I’d like to hear good stories and tell good stories.

Reach out to me in the comments or on Insta!

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