Dr. Maya Angelou was an activist, poet, dancer, actor, civil rights leader, screenwriter, playwright and so much more. Not only did she win numerous humanitarian awards and received over 50 honorary degrees, but she won and inspired the hearts of more people we will ever know about. She is an iconoclast who spoke truth to power and powerless.
Her ideas have changed lives and history. Unlike inspirational motivational gurus of modern days where you can almost smell the Patchouli and rotting MLM vapidness seeped in privilege, hers is a voice of wisdom that has lived, suffered, and overcome. And when she overcame she always kept her life in the real world where people suffer while also meeting with world leaders and A-list celebrities.
She did not stay in a decade or generation, but constantly evolved as she wrote and endeavored to understand all marginalized communities and leverage her fame for betterment of all.
Before I speak to the bridge she created in saving the life of a Gen Xer and Gen Zer and a glimpse of the roadmap she made for all of us, I wanted to speak to her life.
Her life is something other columnists have tried to speak to and I would rather direct you to one of the best writers I can think of who is an authority on Maya Angelou. That writer would be Maya Angelou. She has written seven autobiographies and was working on another when she passed away in her 80s. Here they are in the best order to read them in.
- I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings (1969)
- Gather Together in My Name (1974)
- Singin’ and Swingin’ and Gettin’ Merry Like Christmas (1976)
- The Heart of a Woman (1981)
- All God’s Children Need Traveling Shoes (1986)
- A Song Flung Up to Heaven (2002)
- Mom & Me & Mom (2013)
Father and Child
In 2012 I got a call from one of my child’s middle school teachers towards the end of the school day. She very firmly told me that my child had refused to stand up for the pledge of allegiance and asked if I would talk to them and aid with the special report my child was assigned as punishment for this slight to America.
I am a patriot and one of the things I love about freedom is uncomfortable speech and expression. A public square where ideas are exchanged and grievances aired needs to be uncomfortable. Until I had more details from my child I decided to not engage with the teacher too deeply so I thanked her for the call and said I would follow up.
I picked up my child from school. They had fear in their eyes as they entered the car. I said simply, “You’re not in trouble, but when we get home I’d like to have a conversation so I know your side.”
We got my child home and I asked them what happened.
Three days in a row a lone black student refused to stand for the pledge. Three days in a row this lone black student received yet another assignment as a repercussion by the teacher.
This was 2012 and a young black teen named Trayvon Martin was killed by a self appointed community watch dog. Trayvon was simply visiting his dad. His crime was walking about wearing a hoodie armed with a bag of Skittles. The man who killed him was not convicted and the national debate of black lives was a hotly debated topic.
On this day my child sat in solidarity with the young black student. 1 year before Black Lives Matter was founded and 4 years before Colin Kaepernick took a knee, a white kid followed the lead of a black kid and stood…sat together. I wanted to know more. Why did the black student not stand and why did my child join him? So I asked.
“We aren’t taking a pledge that is a lie. There is no justice for all and we aren’t indivisible. Trayvon Martin died because of division and my classmate is being targeted by a white teacher for what? Refusing forced patriotism? We’re taking a class on the constitution and we have a big test on it. What this teacher is doing to him is not okay and I’m white too. So what do I do, dad? Stay white and quiet or laugh and giggle likes everyone else does? Until kids that look like Trayvon can walk home without dying without justice I’m not standing (they still don’t and I still support them).”
I got it. I understood it. And I respected it. The next question I asked was not a challenge. But I wanted to understand.
“Why is this so important to you and does he stand with you on your being queer?”
“This isn’t about LGBT people or me. This is about black people and him. Right now he’s alone and right now it’s not safe to be a black kid walking at night. Not safe to be queer or a woman either. If there’s room for us to all suffer we can all stand together. If there is something that affects black people screaming what about gay people or what about women is not right. Why is this important to me? I have to show you.”
My child walked over to their backpack and rifled through it.
They pulled something out of their backpack that I recognized immediately. It was a tattered copy of Maya Angelou’s “I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings”. With shaking hands and voice and tears welling up my child said, “This book is why I haven’t killed myself yet. If a black woman who doesn’t even know me can save my life talking about her pain, then I have to help him.”
I don’t know what my child saw in my countenance as I stared at the book. “Dad”, Harvey asked, “Are you okay?” I pulled my child close and held them tight.
Trauma Bond
The book saved my life when I was my child’s age. I wrote about it in my piece Hitchhiking Thief and Pizza Hut. As an abused child I found safety in the library until I lost my library privileges over some lost books at the hand of bullies. I got caught by a bookstore owner trying to shoplift a diary and a book. She became a mentor. I helped out at the shop and she gave me books. Here is what I wrote about her giving me Caged Bird.
“Every Tuesday I showed up to stock shelves, clean, dust, sweep, and take trash to the dumpster. And every Tuesday between customers I got to talk about the latest books. Her books were my exposure to Poe, Twain, Harper Lee, Steinbeck and others. I was getting satire, comics, sci fi, fantasy, and after being exposed to Agatha Christie, mysteries.
Every day I wrote in my diary. I wrote about wanting to die. I spoke in detail of life at home. But then one Tuesday in the summer of 1983 everything would change.
She gave me a copy of “I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings” by Dr Maya Angelou. She said to me, “I thought really hard about this one. We are not going to talk about it. I’ll know if you read it.”
I read it that week. I read it twice that week. As she wrote openly about her sexual abuse I read through my diary. I hardly slept. The next Tuesday I came in and hugged Marilyn. I do not think I had felt the arms of another human around me since I was 9 or 10. I cried. No words were said, I just let it all out and she held me.”
Here I was holding my child. No words were said, they just let it all out and I held them.
Maya Angelou, my child, and me had different traumas, but her words bonded us, inspired us, and gave hope.
Over the next few days I would stand with my child and their classmate and meet with the principal and the teacher. There would be no punishment for these kids. And when the teacher would not relent, she faced repercussions. Maybe there was no justice for Trayvon, but that week there was justice for two children. And it was the beginning of me following Maya Angelou’s path to effective change. To help two 8th graders I had to use my anger to fuel my courage while choosing my words carefully with a clear mission so these kids could thrive.
Be Angry!
“If you’re not angry, you’re either a stone, or you’re too sick to be angry. You should be angry. You must not be bitter. Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. It doesn’t do anything to the object of its displeasure. So use that anger, yes. You write it. You paint it. You dance it. You march it. You vote it. You do everything about it. You talk it. Never stop talking it.”-Maya Angelou
Self help gurus will often have us suppress anger. It is perceived to be a negative emotion. But it is the start of change is you use the anger. In her world you use the anger to do something. Write, paint, dance, march, vote and never stop talking about it. When you use the anger to do something, you are part of change even if it does not feel like things are changing you keep talking about it, you keep voting, and you keep doing all the things.
So long as you can keep bitterness from taking root, you keep doing it.
Courage is a Muscle and Takes Time to Build
“Courage is the most important of all the virtues because without courage, you can’t practice any other virtue consistently.”-Maya Angelou
“One isn’t born with courage. One develops it. And you develop it by doing small, courageous things, in the same way that one wouldn’t set out to pick up 100 pound bag of rice. If that was one’s aim, the person would be advised to pick up a five pound bag, and then a ten pound, and then a 20 pound, and so forth, until one builds up enough muscle to actually pick up 100 pounds. And that’s the same way with courage. You develop courage by doing courageous things, small things, but things that cost you some exertion-mental and, I suppose, spiritual exertion.“-Maya Angelou
A great example of this is how I have dealt with “locker room” sexism and racism. I started small. If I heard things I did not like said about women or gay people or people of color I left. “Oh gee, I have to go home now.” Then there came a point where I would state why I was leaving. “This is not appropriate and I’m not comfortable.”
Eventually I hit a point where I stay, stand my ground, tell the person what they said is wrong, why it is wrong, and challenge them to either apologize or leave my presence. If they want to have an insincere discussion that has a counter punch or a doubling down. The conversation is over. I am not going to entertain them and allow them to run the conversation on their terms. But it took time.
It takes time for all of us. But if we are going to have better boundaries, if we are going to stand up for ourselves and others, and if we are going to do things to address our anger, we need to start small. In time, we will all be ripped courage muscle builders. And I promise you, those who hate and oppress do not have the level of courage you could have and I could have.
Words Matter
“Words are things. You must be careful, careful about calling people out of their names, using racial pejoratives and sexual pejoratives and all that ignorance. Don’t do that. Some day we’ll be able to measure the power of words. I think they are things. They get on the walls. They get in your wallpaper. They get in your rugs, in your upholstery, and your clothes, and finally in to you.“-Maya Angelou
I once heard Maya Angelou being interviewed on the radio a year or two before her death. She was asked how we teach youth the power of their words and the great responsibility of word choice in the digital age.
She said simply, “Any racial pejorative, any sexual pejorative, any of that stuff is created to make a person less than human. And that means it’s poison. Nobody can use it safely. I mean if poison is poison that you get from a pharmacy… you can’t take that content and pour it into bavarian crystal and make it otherwise… it’s still poison. “
It is okay to make fun of sex workers when it is someone who was placed in danger by Trump? Maya Angelou was a sex worker at one time too. Do we fat shame, slut shame, and diminish and somehow it is okay because we placed the poison in a better container and served it to people we don’t like? I see a lot of memes where people on my side of the fence say, “If they go low, we go lower!” We will merely become poisonous monsters consumed by the cancer of bitterness.
Well chosen words will create change, expose evil, and save lives. They will permeate the world around us with fragrance as opposed to the stench of hate.
Have a Mission
“My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style.”-Maya Angelou
A mission or purpose is the magnetic north on our moral compass. If we forget the purpose then all there is left is anger and fight. What do we fight for? Why am I standing up for my child? Why did I go to the principal and the teacher? I want to thrive and I want those I love to thrive and live the life she describes. And while we are fighting for something and while we are angry, we can have passion, compassion, humor, style, fun and even laughter.
I had the cancer of bitterness for far too long. I am still fighting it. The friends I have, the beauty I see, and the mission I have are the chemo and radiation that have brought me back from stage 4 bitterness.
Be angry, do something about that anger, make sure your words are not poison, and take the baby steps to courage as you live your mission and help others live theirs.
We Need You!
We rely on readers like you to continue our work. A few moments and you can make a difference:
1. Share this story with a friend and leave a comment.
2. Tip me! I need your support!
3. Become a Members Only Patreon! In the Patreon I will have unfiltered rants, exclusive content, free PDF copies of the upcoming quarterly magazine, and more.
4. Go to our store and buy the print magazine! It is art, news, and nostalgia that matters!
Thank you for your support and taking the time to read this.
Stay Totally Awesome! Stay true to you!
Leave a Reply