Election Stress & How To Not Become a Monster

Tomorrow is election day in the United States. 69% of our audience is in the US. A cursory glance at the news and social media will show that Americans are under a lot of stress and experiencing a lot of anxiety right now. The feelings are valid, there’s a lot at stake. In some ways there is a concern even larger than the election that is distressing. The damage election stress is doing to people physically and emotionally as well as what people are becoming is alarming.

Don’t Become a Monster and Fall Into the Abyss!

Friedrich Nietzsche’s quote is not something that is spoken about enough to activists, but being mindful of the meaning will keep the compass calibrated. “He who fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.”

Many have mistakenly claimed this is a caution against fighting oppressive forces. No. One must be careful not to adopt the same harmful traits themselves. Prolonged exposure to darkness can corrupt even the purest of hearts. It’s a warning against becoming like the very thing you oppose by focusing too intently on it.

This is a warning in three parts.

Part 1: Fighting Monsters! This is the act of standing up against oppressive and negative forces. A noble task. Fight the monsters.

Part 2: Becoming Monsters! This is the part of the caution that is happening at an alarming rate right now. Adopting the same destructive behaviors or mindset as the evil you are fighting against.

Part 3: The Abyss! Intensely focusing on the negativity and darkness can eventually consume you!

We must fight oppression and stand up for human rights. Silence is complicity. But it has to be strategic and have a plan beyond thrashing about and reactively spewing memes. In the strategy you must always remember what you are fighting for.

Becoming the Monster

During this current election I left an online group and told the two leaders that I left because I could not abide the violation of alleged shared principles in the name a hollow victory. We cannot say we stand up for women and include sex workers and then slut shame women on the other side. This is a simple example, but it is a common occurrence. How do we claim to be against guns and wish the shooters better luck and aim next time? If the standard of character and ethics and human rights only extends to those who we agree with and like, then we have truly become the monster we fight.

My friend who leads the group I left? She and her partner in leadership came back to me completely confused claiming their group is without stain. Apparently it is the only space with tens of thousands of people on the internet without toxicity. But I fear she has lost herself a little.

Recently she crossed a line of character and a gentle soul. Without vitriol, a struggling single mom who is a progressive asked her not to say something that was diminishing towards another human being. Instead of counting to ten, taking a pause, and contemplating the earnest pleas, my friend doubled down, dismissed the person in a rather unkind fashion, and then literally compared herself to Jesus in a grossly inaccurate analogy using the Bible out of context. Her fellow progressive friends cheered her on and I stepped into the fray to be the sole person standing with a single mom who is not a leader like my friend, but just trying to make ends meet and keep her kid safe.

Sometimes in the fight you have to take a punch and maybe even learn to fall instead of hurting others. In the above story, my friend is a woman fighting for women’s rights but left a struggling single mom who looks up to her to fend for herself while using the Bible to defend her actions. This is what becoming the monster you fight looks like.

As far as the abyss? The darkness in the fight without proper self care is real. This Veteran’s day will mark the five year anniversary of me surviving a suicide attempt. Five years ago I lay on my bedroom floor with an empty bottle of pills and fireball whiskey at my side waiting to die. I saw no other way in that time, the darkness had consumed me.

Averting the Gaze of the Abyss

Regardless of how this election goes you need to keep yourself from being consumed by darkness. In a week important tasks are ahead while we continue to live our daily lives. If the election goes one way, the new president will have to be held accountable to their promises and the needle has to be moved for her shortcomings to advance human rights. If it goes the other way we will be in a fight for the lives of many to preserve the human rights that are at risk of being lost.

The following are tried and true methods to not go dark.

Coping Skills! We either have coping skills or coping mechanisms. The mechanisms are the automatic and reactionary. The amygdala fight or flight is running the show and you are no longer in control. Coping skills invites the pre frontal cortex to regulate the emotions and make decisions that are in line with your beliefs and love. If you take nothing else away from this article, take this. Find coping skills to help you stay calm. Count to ten, take deep breaths, listen to a special playlist, etc.

Control Only What You Can! In the case of election and policies, you can only do what you can do and nothing more. What can you do? You can vote, volunteer, donate, and protest. Most importantly, you can love yourself, your family, and others by the standard you believe in. It may not seem like much, but if you focus on what you can do you will feel less helpless. You will also be less helpless.

Have Empathy for Everyone! Just because we do not like someone’s views does not give us justification to hurt them and vilify them. It is hard to separate the person from the views they espouse, but if we let our empathy muscle atrophy, we will stop being compassionate and kind to not only those we disagree with, but those we stand for, those we love, and ourselves.

Stay Mindful and Set Boundaries! Social media is designed for engagement and the best way to get that engagement is to stimulate the amygdala. You need to know what your triggers and limits are. What memes, conversations, and expressions of views are compromising you emotionally? Pain anger, fear, sadness, and disgust are good things despite our toxic positive culture we live in.

In physical health, if we did not have pain, we would not know to go to a doctor to address something wrong with our bodies. It is the same with emotions. The pain lets us know something is wrong and we need to stay healthy. This is where boundaries come into play. It is okay to block a person and walk away from a conversation that hurts you so you can control what you can and keep that empathy muscle in shape.

Look for Hope and Beauty! Even in the darkest times there is always hope and beauty. Sometimes it is easy for us to see, and sometimes we have to look for it. Look for it! It is there. It may be a dandelion in the middle of a cracked sidewalk or a squirrel at play follow defying the laws of physics. Maybe it is a silly t shirt at a thrift store or coffee with a friend or a favorite old movie. Find it.

The Horrors I have Seen

I am a survivor of sexual assault and domestic violence. Recent medical issues are affecting me financially and threatening my ability to get further treatment I need. In third world nations with only a camera in my hand I have seen how much worse things are in other pockets of the world. There have been times in those spaces I have literally been surrounded by men with machetes in a humid jungle asking my intentions in a language I didn’t understand. I’ve also had rocks and bricks thrown at me as the acrid smell of burning tires filled my lungs.

I’ve also been to developed nations that cannot comprehend what America has become. The things allowed to happen to me as a child and in middle age are unconscionable to them.

America is in a liminal space between that of the third world and a modern developed nation. The next election will not be the final push toward the third world or the modern developed, but it will be a step closer toward one of those.

We are not the ones who set the policies and much of this is out of our control, but regardless who gets elected, we can move the needle forward. But it only happens if we do not become the monsters we fight and allow the abyss to consume us. I’ve become the monster and allowed the abyss to consume me. I came back, but sometimes I stand too close to the edge. How about you?

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