Dolly Parton And the Choices We Make

Can where we come from shape our views? Is the joke on us? Can our words show truth? Did the choices of others both deter and inspire a young writer? Dolly Parton embodies the best of the yeses to these questions with Country Class and kindness that enlightenment and education doesn’t always provide.

This is deeply personal and in some ways a continuation of last week’s Fem Friday about Jenny’s isolation over visible disabilities. About half of our nation has some form of literacy challenges. Many have felt a lifetime of lost opportunities from unkind people in the system and have read or heard crass things said by alleged friends on social media in regard to grammar. There are also a few amazing people who made the choices that Dolly does.

Let’s set the stage of the two extremes with a 1977 interview of Dolly Parton with Barbara Walters. In her memoirs, Dolly Parton had said that she had been warned not to do this interview. She was told Walters would chew her up. But Dolly Parton knew who she was and took the interview.

Dolly and Barbara: Country Class and Crassness

We wrote about a protege’ of Barbara Walters facing off with an underestimated world changer in our first Fem Friday. Cyndi Lauper and Jane Pauly discussed feminism and Lauper did not back down. Barbara went in hard on Dolly for her appearance and her background. Parton did not back down, and women like her and Cyndi Lauper went on to change the world for the betterment of others.

It does not take long for Walters to go in for the first salvo as she asked, “Where I come from, would I have called you a hillbilly?”

Dolly does not miss a beat and tries to deflect the question with light humor.

“If you had of, it probably would have been something very natural but I would have probably kicked your shins or something. No, actually….” she is interrupted as Walters continues with a follow up.

“But when I think of hillbillies, am I thinking of your kind of people?”

Dolly keeps her smile and her vocal tones pleasant and she never breaks eye contact as she replies. “I think you probably are. The people who grew up where I was. We’re the people you’d consider the Little Abner people, Daisy May and that sort of thing. They took that kind of thing from people like us. But, we are very proud people. People with a lot of class. It was country class but it was a great deal of class and most of them, my people, were not that educated but they are very, very intelligent. Good common sense. Horse sense we called it.”

Barbara then goes directly into discussions about Dolly Parton’s figure. I am not going to give those quotes, but it was highly reductionist, inappropriate, and uncomfortable. Any woman who has been objectified or shamed for their body would be hurt. Dolly again, keeps her tone pleasant, holds eye contact, and does not give answers that further reduce her or women with curves.

Barbara is not done with a focus on image. Walters told her she was beautiful but made sure it was a backhanded compliment by saying Dolly didn’t need the wig and the make-up and the outrageous clothes. Dolly did some table turning on this one with her response:

“I don’t like to be like everybody else. I would never stoop so low to be fashionable, that’s the easiest thing in the world to do. I’m very real as far as my outlook on life and the way I care about people and the way I care about myself and the things I care about. I just chose to do this, and show business is a money-making joke and I’ve just always liked telling jokes.”

Barbara, with a condescending tone followed up. “But do you ever feel that you’re a joke? That people make fun of you?”

You could see something change in Dolly. It was confidant and was in control as she came back with her reply. “Oh I know they make fun of me, but all these years the people have thought the joke was on me, but it’s actually on them. I know exactly what I’m doing and I can change it at anytime. I make more jokes about myself than anybody because I enjoy… I know. Like I say, I am sure about myself as a person. I am sure of my talent. I’m sure of my love for life and that sort of thing. I am very content, I like the kind of person that I am. So, I can afford to piddle around and do-diddle around with makeup and clothes and stuff because I am secure with myself.”

In later years and encounters things would be more respectful between Dolly and Barbara. It is respect she should have been accorded as an accomplished woman from another accomplished woman from the very first meeting in 1977, but sadly, Dolly had to “prove” herself. Country Class won and continues to win for decades.

The Winning Career

Dolly has sold over 100 million records worldwide. 25 of her albums are either Gold, Platinum or Multi-Platinum. She has had 26 songs reach no. 1 on the Billboard country charts, a record for a female artist. 42 career Top 10 country albums, a record for any artist, and 110 charted singles over the past forty years.

This also comes with awards. 11 Grammy Awards! American Music Awards? She has won 3. Country Music Association gave her 10 awards.  Academy of Country Music, has given her 7.

But then there is also recognition and awards for her work in movies, television, stage musicals, and humanitarian awards by civic, private, and government organizations.

She even has been a successful entrepreneur with Dollywood, her own record label, dinner theaters, and other business ventures.

And yet, her country class knows when to have character. She reached out to the legislature of Tennessee when she learned they wanted to erect a statue of her. She wrote to them saying, “Given all that is going on in the world, I don’t think putting me on a pedestal is appropriate at this time.”

Making a Difference

She has long been recognized by LGBTQ Nation and The Advocate as an ally and queer icon. In 1991 she made it clear where she stood in her song, “Family” that recognized queer families as real valid families full of love. And in 2009 she made it clear to the country music world that she supported marriage equality.

The Dollywood Foundation, funded from Parton’s profits, has brought jobs and tax revenues to a previously depressed region and has raised money for several other causes, including the American Red Cross , HIV/AIDS, disaster relief, and even humane treatment for animals ensuring they be brought inside the home instead of chained outside.

But in all of these efforts, the one she is best known for is her work in Dolly Parton’s Imagination Library. It was founded in honor of her father, who never learned to read or write.

Imagination Library and Illiteracy

Dolly’s father could not read or write. He was a good and kind man with a work ethic. It was not his fault he could not read, and it affected his ability to get better jobs to support his family and limited him in many ways. There was one book in their home, a Bible. Dolly’s mother could read and read Bible stories to Dolly. She was fascinated by the stories and was the foundation for her faith. It also inspired her own voracious love of reading.

Inspired by her faith she determined to make a difference. Where other Christians burn and ban books, Dolly gets books in the hands of children. In 1995, in the county she grew up in, she decided to start the Imagination Library. The mission was simple. Inspire children to read by giving them books.

Children receive a new free book monthly. It is now international and over 200 million books have been sent out and it shows no sign of slowing down. Generations of children know her as “the book lady”. Her father, when he was alive, loved this.

Dolly has said, “My daddy just loved it when all the little kids would call me ‘The Book Lady.’ That meant more to him than the fact that I had become a star and worked my butt off.”

If you would like to donate to this amazing organization or know someone who needs these resources, go to https://imaginationlibrary.com/

Illiteracy

In my movie review of Benny and Joon we learn that Sam, played by Johnny Depp, was illiterate. I wrote the following in the article:

“According to Cross River Therapy, 21% of adults are illiterate with over half of Americans having a literacy rate below the 6th grade. Sam is not alone and instead of compassion, empathy and help, too many people face loss of opportunity, mockery, and grammar nazis on ivory towers of superiority.”

According to Literacy New York, the leading causes of illiteracy are:

• Parents with little schooling;
• Lack of books at home and lack of stimulation as to the importance of reading;
• Doing badly at or dropping out of school—many have not completed high school;
• Difficult living conditions, including poverty;
• Learning disabilities, such as dyslexia

I have a learning disability. So does one of my uncles. We both are dyslexic. While we are both literate, it has come with challenges and traumas.

My Learning Disability

I am not good at describing dyslexia. Not all people who have it present it in the same manner. I have it, I did not know I had it until the tail end of high school, and I do not know how people who do not have this see a page in a book and numbers. In therapy I learned workarounds, not cures.

I have been a voracious reader since I was very young. By first grade I exhibited a high school level reading comprehension. Even if some of the words are “scrambled” I can get the crux of the story. I was drawn to comics as well. Comics had imagery that helped tell the story and panel to panel is not like a novel or television. You have to interact with the work more and fill in the in between. By the beginning of fourth grade, the reading comprehension was college level. But then came fifth grade.

Grammar classes started getting more intense and took greater import. There was a larger emphasis on grammar as opposed to reading and I was in a new school district. I always struggled with spelling and other things, but since I was off the charts in other areas elementary level struggles could be forgiven. But not in this new district and not in the standardized testing.

By the time I was in sixth grade I was placed in remedial classes. No one did a comprehensive and holistic approach to me. I was a number and by the numbers I produced, I was remedial. This continued into middle school. In high school I was placed in career prep as opposed to college prep. The classes I took were vastly different from the classes my career prep and honors student friends had.

We were put into categories and I was not in the college category. And when you are in that category and treated differently, you stop giving a fuck in school.

The Teachers With Country Class and Elitist Crass

The first time since 4th grade that I had a teacher see me as more was Kerri. Miss Berta. She was my 8th grade teacher. One day we had to write and read aloud a short story. I gave mine with a sudden ending with a twist at the end that would make M Night Shyamalan proud. The class, and my teacher, were in stunned silence. She added to the belief that Marylin, a woman who owned a bookstore I tried to shoplift books from after losing access to my local library when bullies stole my books, instilled in me that I mattered and had something special.

Towards the end of high school I had a speech and drama teacher that changed my world. Her name was Gail. Gail recognized something in me that her and her husband saw in my uncle almost a decade prior. They saw it in him after he was forced to drop out of high school, I was dyslexic. I was close to the edge of graduating high school and she was determined not to let that be my fate.

Until sitting with her I did not know I had a disability. I was confused. I thought maybe I was just less and an idiot. She gave me tools. Without those I may not have graduated. 4 months after starting to work with her I took the dreaded ACT exam and got a 32. I wish I had never told my friends at the lunch table.

Some of my friends who were honor students and in college prep were angry with me for getting the score I received. It was not fair, they said. We work hard. We are not lazy. And we need to get into xyz college and with your score I could have. The message was clear. I deserved less. I was not more.

Then came my Sr Year English teacher. Mrs Donofrio. She was overly critical of everything I submitted. One day, in front of the entire class we were all asked what we wanted to be. I said the same thing I had said since I was in 4th grade. I wanted to be a writer. To write books. She said, and this is a direct quote after her laugh, “You’ll be lucky to pump gas for a living.”

Somehow that had gotten back to Gail and I happened to be in the little theater at my school doing homework when I heard Gail and Donofrio arguing in the hallway. Donofrio fully intended to flunk me. Gail told her that if she did that I would not graduate. Donofrio did not care. She told Gail that I was lazy, shiftless, and whatever happened to me in this life was my lack of ambition. Gail knew about my condition and my abuse. But school districts did not have protections and accommodation requirements that exist now. Gail, in angry tones, told Donofrio that if she harms my future and prevents me from getting my cap and gown she was going to make her life a living hell and fight for me. She knew nothing of who I was and what my potential and life was and this personal vendetta on a child was sick and my F is not earned, it is personal.

A friend of mine was with me when this happened. We both heard it. My friend squeezed my shoulder and it felt good. Someone stood up for me. I graduated. I had a shot.

I’ve been a paid writer and columnist since 2004 with a critically acclaimed book with just under fifty 5 star reviews on Amazon that moved around 5,000 units. I have an undergrad degree. And I am currently writing a 3 book YA trilogy.

I love story telling. And I will tell stories as the living time machine until I can no longer tell them.

The Pastor and the Coffeehouse

Over a decade ago I drove a taxi after I left the ministry. On my day off I was having a coffee and reading a book at my favorite breakfast diner. Sitting near me was a pastor from the town I used to be a minister in. He ran the trendy mega wannabe church. He was with some bearded men clones.

2 black women sat down at a booth near me. I recognized one of them. She was one of my regular fares. She was an elderly woman and lived in Section 8 public housing. She worked at a nearby medical center doing janitorial housekeeping work. She often spoke of her grand baby who was in college who would be visiting soon. The young woman must have been her. My fare had never been to school and could not read but she did what she could to raise 6 kids and this was the first grandchild to go to college.

When she saw me she said hi and introduced me to her grand baby. We exchange pleasantries and I commented on my fare’s hair looking wonderful. She blushed as she said to me, “I got my hair did!” There was pride in her voice.

“Done,” said the pastor for no reason. “You had your hair done.”

The lightness in her voice and mood was gone in an instant, and this white educated pastor did this in front her grand daughter.

“Large,” I said looking at him. “Your shirt size is large, stop stuffing that shit into a medium to look more muscular than you are.”

He stared at me incredulously. I had more to say. “Right speech is white speech. I never liked you. I like you even less now. Maybe you and the bearded stepford bros should continue your little meeting and let the grown ups have their breakfast.” One of the clones tried to stare me down. “Do we have a problem?” I asked stare down man as I stared back with a smile. He averted his gaze.

The mood for the two women did not improve a lot, but I did have some polite conversation with the women and even though I did not have much at the time, I paid for their breakfast.

How that woman felt in that moment is how people who struggle with literacy feel when they see grammar shaming memes and comments online. If not the illiterate person reading the cruel elitist comment, it is the grand daughter who can read who comes from good people who could not read. Proud grammar nazis hurt marginalized people.

Dolly or Barbara: We Have Choices

I am not Jenny, Allaina, or Gina who told their stories as women with disabilities in a prior article. I do not have the same level of daily hurdles and isolation they do. But I have lost years and opportunities. Not because of my learning disability, but because of an ableist society. So did my uncle. So do the countless others who are illiterate for a variety of reasons.

I am also not Dolly Parton. I do not have her level of talent or character that has created a net worth of $440 million and uses so much of that to help others.

But I have choices. We all do. Will we be Dolly or Barbara to others?

If you, rightfully, criticize Donald Trump in memes for making fun of a reporter with a disability or Ann Coulter for making fun of Tim Walz’s son and also send memes or say cruel words over people who struggle with to two and too or there their and they’re, you are on his level. I see this behavior on social media daily and it is disgusting and infuriating. It is largely from people of my generation and “my side” of the political fence. Some of them are teachers in the k-12 world. When you do that you have taken the path of Donofrio who wanted to flunk me out and humiliated me in front of my peers. You may meme how many hours and money you spend as a teacher and how noble your profession is, but you are no Gail who saw brilliance in someone with a struggle.

Grammar Nazis and those who speak ill of people who are illiterate or have a learning disability disgust me. I jump in sometimes and speak my mind with far less grace than Dolly would. It is only when I leverage my disability in the conversation that they back off. Suddenly it is okay…for me..not to be able to do the things. But not for others? When is it okay to use the gift of literacy and enlightenment to reduce another?

Make better choices.

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