On January 6th of 1989 Debbie Gibson released Lost in Your Eyes as a single. In less than 2 months it would climb to the top of the US and Canadian charts. At the tender age of 18 she became one of only four women to have written, produced, and performed multiple number one hits on the Hot 100. She also became the youngest artist to win ASCAP Songwriter of the Year. All of this happened while suffering for two years with near crippling anxiety. Time Magazine would attribute her anxiety to suffocating crowds, stalkers and death threats, but there is always more to mental health struggles.
The Brilliance and the Demands
Debbie Gibson is an undeniable talent. While most musically inclined teenagers were trying to get a lead in the next high school musical or Glee performance, she was writing, composing, singing and getting demos out there. One of those demos found it’s way to a producer for Atlantic Records. Based on the the strength of the song Only in My Dreams she was signed to a developmental contract deal and booked into clubs to perform.
Through 1986 and 87, with her mother as her manger, she was playing clubs, developing a catalogue of songs, and attending high school. But put that into context. In that time she was performing three clubs a night, four nights a week, then flying back home and going to school. She not only graduated high school with honors, but she wrote and released an album that went triple platinum and landed a number one song and three other releases that hit the top 5.
But with this hustle came additional pressures.
In an interview with Classic Pop Magazine she tells the story of the two poignant moment of pressure.
The first one was:
“My mom and I were scheduled to have dinner with a big radio programme director before a concert, and I remember thinking, ‘this is just too much, three shows in the middle of the night is enough’. But it was like, ‘well, if you want to get the record to the next level, you’ve got to meet the radio people’. In the middle, I just couldn’t breathe.”
“I turned to my mom and I said: ‘I can’t breathe, I’ve got to get out of here’. I almost passed out. They gave me smelling salts and I ended up in ER. “
“That was like my first little cry for help. I mean, that was really the moment I was like: ‘You know what? I’m a little girl. I really can’t handle all of this’. “
The other happened in 1988 after a performance in Madison Square Garden:
“I came off stage and Doug Morris (ex-Atlantic chairman) and Ahmet Ertegun (Atlantic co-founder) were there and they said: ‘That was amazing. Now Rolling Stone want to do a photo of you and members of Led Zeppelin and The Who’.”
“I‘d only intended to do the show and knew I had to get out of there, I was going to have a panic attack. So, I wasn’t there for the after-party. I didn’t have that gene in me that could do the schmooze – I was only 17.”
Aftermath of the Last Top Hit
After the release of Lost in Your Eyes, Bette Page predicted Debbie Gibson would enter the 90’s as the next Barry Manilow. Instead, more than 30 years would pass before her 2020 single Girls Night Out would hit the top five. This was not a fallen star, over the following decades she continued with a career with more accomplishments than most with a dream and skill will ever achieve.
She continued to record albums that did well and hit Broadway as Eponine in 1992’s Les Misérables. By this point she was in her 20’s and had been on Xanax and Prozac to help her cope with anxiety and depression.
It was while in Broadway she began to find her balance. Vocal coaches, physical, mental, and dietary practices replaced Prednisone for vocal strain. She discovered coping skills such as meditation which made reduction of meds possible for her.
The Lesson For Her Younger Self and Us
“I got used to crashing. I thought that the normal pattern in life was, you work, work, work, you run yourself into the ground and then you crash. I was always recovering.”
“Recovering is not really resting. For me, it was just trying to recover to get to the next spell of work. Again, that was completely by choice. I always hated the sound of pop stars whining. That’s not my intention. I just didn’t want any opportunity to pass me by.”
“Now I pick and choose what I do more carefully. I’m not in a race anymore. But back then, for sure, there was a lot of pressure to stay in that race.”
“I didn’t think that something was worth doing unless you were torturing yourself to do it. I always created these extra hurdles for myself, and for some reason I’d think, ‘Oh, it’s noble to be running yourself into the ground for the sake of your art’.”
The Lie of Hustle Culture and Truth of Self Care
We do a disservice to ourselves and children by celebrating overwork. Feel the burn! Work hard and play harder! Push push push!
Talent needs to be fostered as do dreams. A work ethic is part of this dream. But so is balance, mental health, and physical health.
Hustle culture will tell you that rest and pacing is laziness or lack of dedication. That lie has been perpetuated for decades by self help gurus in my day and today’s social media influencers. Hustle culture is a recipe to burn out or find an unhealthy substitute to keep moving like the energizer bunny who just did a rail of coke followed by a red bull chaser.
Studies show that rest fuels creativity.
Sleep, rest, a pace, boundaries, getting used to telling people no, and listening to your body and your mind will fuel creativity.
As adults it is easy to learn and live this, but we need to take a few moments and remember the experience with children who have talent.
The Pressure of Youth: Storytime
As a teenager I was surrounded by friends who were pushing themselves with seemingly impossible pressures. They needed to keep that GPA up, win that next meet, or some other metric. Behind that obsession was often a parent fostering the unhealthy hustle. There was often a fear of consequence driving the hustle.
Letting a parent down, not getting the scholarship or living up to potential.
When I was a teenager I thought we all understood this was bullshit and it was hurting us. What I did not expect was how many in my generation would find ways to foist this same level of pressure of their kids, especially if a talent was discovered.
As an adult I have made a firm policy to no longer work on photo sessions involving children. This is because of parents. I can see how lost these kids are in their eyes. I’ve looked in the mirror enough as a child to recognize trauma in a child.
It does not matter if it is a simple family portrait, a modeling session, or a club or activity. Some parents add so much pressure while I am doing what I know to do to gently bring out their best whatever that is. The last thing I, or the kid needs, is someone who doesn’t know shit about my process and their own child’s heart telling us how to do this.
It was known by some of my friends that I modeled as a child. When they became parents, a few of them asked me how to get their child in that direction. I never helped them, because I knew this was what they wanted and the kid never asked for it. And if you enter child modeling, you will find other horrific things likely to happen to you that you never asked for. Parents like this will look the other way and let it happen, because it is the cost of fame, right?
See? I also know that sometimes a parent will look the other way.
There was one time I helped. It was because this kid not only had an “it” factor, but there was no stopping her. The parents were scared shitless of moving in this direction. What they wanted for their kid was scholastic and academic…like them. But they also recognized the drive, the passion, and their own shit. The “kid” is in her 30’s now and does some solid editorial modeling work and has a healthy and joyous life. If I named dropped, a few of you might know who she is, but she has enough name droppers on social media I am sure. But it all started with a good portfolio and contact card, some advice on how to navigate the minefield, and in introduction to an agent who I trusted.
Perspective
Most of the time it is “just” a baseball game, a track meet, a dance recital, and a report card. Show up to these things, be proud of them, encourage them, and if there was a missed ball, note, or grade, let them know that is okay with you and be there to support them no matter what. Do not be that parent that acts as if they just blew a note on broadway or that fumble ended their super bowl hopes.
There are times where a child, like Debbie Gibson, has an exceptional talent combined with a drive and desire to move into the direction where only a few will shine to the top and actually make it.
And while I have written about the pressures of Debbie Gibson, Brooke Shields, Tiffany and others in their youth, they have all found their own path with lessons to teach us.
But there is another path. Natalie Portman, Ashley Johnson, and Melissa Joan Hart and others had parents that not only supported them, but were the shield between their children and “the hustle” as well as the dangers.
Nostalgic Remembrances
Music was a wonderful escape for many of us. And it is that sublime escape and discovery that helped us cope from the pressures on us by parents and society. As we listen and remember acts like Debbie, I hope we also remember that she was a lot like we were…and are.
I hope we remember not only the song, but what the song got us through so we can be the source of inspiration, protection, and acceptance Z and Alpha need more than ever.
In her eyes was once panic and anxiety and a talented girl was lost. Are you lost in your eyes sometimes?
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