Is she the pop punk queen or the mother effing princess? Did she open doors? Is she punk? Is she a hub bridging influences and being an influence? It’s…Complicated. But there is no mistaking that she is more and does things that matter.
I recently learned that, like me, our music and culture columnist Jeremy Ritch and one of our loyal readers are Avril Lavigne fans. I originally had a different artist slated for this Friday, but I did some research into her. Not only is her career remarkable, but she is remarkable. She also reminds me of a powerful young woman I knew when I was a pastor.
Career in Brief
40 million albums and 50 million singles makes her the third top-selling Canadian female artist in history. From her debut in 2002 she became, at 17 years old, the youngest female artist to have a number one album in the UK. Her career continues today with seven studio albums, nine EPs, 33 singles, several movie soundtracks and at least five charity albums.
This stellar career started in the late 90s when she won a contest and got to sing on stage with Shania Twain to a crowd of over 20,000. This moment swiftly led to added vocals to a song here, another one there, and by the time she was 16 she was signed to a two record deal.
Over 300 award nominations have led to 155 awards in various categories from different organizations for music, acting, fashion, and humanitarian contributions.
Why Is a Millennial Featured on Gen X’s Fem Friday?
It is simple. She is a bridge with influences from my generation. But she did not merely carry a torch, she lit her own fire that burned bright to inspire an entire generation of women.
Her Gen X Influences? Country acts like the Chicks and Shania Twain. Alternative acts include Alanis Morissette, Lisa Loeb, and Natalie Imbruglia. Then there are the skate punk, pop punk, post punk, and punk influences of Gen X and the ones who inspired Gen X. They are Blink-182, the Offspring, Sum 41, NOFX, Pennywise, Dashboard Confessional, Green Day, and even the Ramones. Oh. I almost forgot about her social commentary influences driving her to know that music can matter. Those are Kurt Cobain and Dolores O’Riordan!
All of these influences she took in like a sponge formed something that is very unique and very Avril Lavigne. Who did she influence? What women heard her and saw her and said, “I can do this! I need to do this!”
She paved the way for other punk pop influenced women to be taken seriously by the music scene. Without her we likely may never have known Paramore, Skye Sweetnam, Fefe Dobson, Lillix, Krystal Meyers, Tonight Alive, Courage My Love, or Hey Monday.
She is also credited as an influence by Billie Eilish and a host of other established and rising acts. The list is long and it is growing.
But it is what she did for a generation of girls by taking to the studio and the stage.
The Rest of the Girls
Avril Lavigne captured the hearts of young girls in the US, Canada, UK, Ireland, Australia, and other countries. She had the same parental advisory stickers Eminem and other notorious acts have. She was the mother fucking princess and not a Disney princess.
And in the sexist world of skating and the world in general she was just what was needed for Millennial and Gen Z girls to stand up for themselves in ways that Gen X and Boomers were not able to. This was not a failure of the young women of my generation by any stretch of the imagination.
But a fearless girl with a skateboard, necktie, and shredding a guitar was exactly what was needed in a time and a place to galvanize the girls who did not fit in the carefully crafted image empire to raise a fist in the air while perfecting their ollie and know that no matter what anyone else says, they are good enough. Like Avril they can scream “Love it When You Hate Me”.
I have talked to some parents my age who do not feel that Girlfriend and Sk8ter Boy are appropriate songs. But these same parents love Jessie’s Girl, Bizarre Love Triangle, How Do You Like Me Now, Never and a host of others. The difference? Men sang them. The men felt they would be the better partner and had the moxie to strut.
She is not divisive or bossy. She is assertive. This is uncomfortable for people.
But let’s talk about the difference she makes with her success.
Being the Difference
Many artists have a favorite charity or two they work with. Avril is driven to make a difference in this world to those who need it.
Make Some Noise, Amnesty International, Erase MS, AmericanCPR.org, Special Olympics, Camp Will-a-Way, Music Clearing Minefields, US Campaign for Burma, Make-A-Wish Foundation and War Child are all programs that she has often worked with as opposed to a one off here or there. She has also been on the front lines lending her talent and voice with ALDO and UNICEF in combating HIV/AIDS affecting youth.
But it was not enough for her to just be a part of something. She wanted to be putting more of her efforts and hands into the causes she cares about. So she started the Avril Lavigne Foundation. Her foundation is focused on the young with serious illnesses and disabilities and has forged strategic partnerships which aims to help young people like the Easter Seals, Make-A-Wish foundation, Special Olympics and Erase MS.
Has her life been affected by any of these things? No. She sees a world that is not equal and safe for everyone and she can make a difference by rolling up her sleeves and opening her heart and checkbook instead of merely sending memes, thoughts, and prayers.
Some parents I know my age who have told me she is not a good influence on youth may want to stop, pause, and rethink the assertion. If her Bad Reputation is being an outspoken women who helps others without bragging about it, I would think that is pretty amazing. Perhaps even something to aspire to.
Meeting Sharon
Between 2008 and 2012 I was the senior pastor of a church in the Chicago burbs. I partnered with another church that had an outreach to kids in the neighborhood we were in. It was a safe space for kids to hang out. There was a girl in the group who had an Avril Lavigne vibe in her dress, eye make up, and love of skate culture.
She always had a smile and a kind word and an optimistic outlook on life. Except for the day she told me off.
She walked up to me at one of the youth outreach nights and said, “Pastor Pat. Can we talk?”
We went to the side and that was when she gave me hard truths.
“You’re failing us!” She said.
“How?” I asked.
“You talk about how Jesus loves everyone and turn the other cheek and if you see something go to an adult and it’s the same bullshit we get everywhere else and no one is helping my friends.”
“What do you mean?”
“The adults are part of the problem. My queer friends are out of cheeks to turn and there is not one girl here tonight who had not been hurt by some guy somehow. Bullying, rape, beatings and we are supposed to do what? Take it?”
“What do you want me to do?” I asked.
“People listen to you, asshole! You have a column in the paper and when you walk into a city hall meeting they all kiss your ass. And you’re like the only pastor or teacher in this town that doesn’t ty to look down my shirt or up my fucking skirt so I figure maybe you can help us stand up for ourselves while standing up for us. Playing by your rules is getting us killed. “
As she disappeared into the night I remembered the women who I had suppressed from my memory. The Fem Fridays I knew personally from 1988 through 1991. And my pacifism stance was betrayed one night in 1988.
Jeff
Shortly before I started dating Cassie, a woman I have written about extensively and writing a YA book series that has a character based on her, she had a black eye for a few weeks. Her abusive boyfriend gave it to her, along with other bruises when he broke up with her. It was not the only time he hurt her. He was on full ride football scholarship at a state college.
Even though they broke up he kept stalking her at the mall. As we started dating, I ended up on his radar.
One night while working at the mall my friend Doug, who worked at the record store, came in to the clothing store I was working at.
“Jeff and some of his goons are going to kick your ass tonight. We need to do something.”
I looked at him and fear hit me. “Do we call the cops?”
Doug scoffed and said. “You think Cassie never called the cops on him? Nothing happens, Pat! I’ve known that kid since she was a freshmen and I was a junior. She’s called the cops, her aunt has. Nothing. Ever. Happens.”
“What am I supposed to do, Doug?”
“Kick his ass.”
“Have you seen him? You said he’s gonna have friends with him?”
“Me and some of the guys will keep his friends out of it. You just have to kick his ass.”
I looked at my assistant manager. She was the most liberal woman I knew. “Do you hear this? This is not okay!”
She went to the cash register, put $2 in the register and handed me a roll of nickels. “Put this in your fist. It’ll give you a chance.”
“What? No!” I looked at Lance. Lance was a tall black man who was openly gay. Surely he would be against violence.
“Lance! Help me out here!”
He looked at me with empathy. “Pat. He’s just going to keep coming and the police won’t do anything until she’s in the hospital or dead. He’s a local hero with a rich family.”
“Lance, what are you saying? This is barbaric!” I asked.
“He’s barbaric, Pat!” Lance said with emotions bubbling to the surface. “I’ve been attacked for being me and sometimes I’ve had to fight back!”
“So when do I die?” I asked Doug.
“They’re gonna be waiting by your car after close. Why the hell do you park all the way back where you do anyway?”
“I don’t want anyone to scratch the Monte Carlo…”I said quietly.
The Fight
The mall had closed. Me and Doug and 3 of his friends were at the upper level mall entrance by the Sears. I could see Jeff’s imposing frame and two others standing at my car parked in the back. I did park in a desolate section. My heart was beating in my chest. I felt the roll of nickels clutched in my fist and was terrified.
Doug spoke. “You didn’t start this. Neither did she. And no one has her back, just us. Let’s go.”
We exited the mall and walked briskly toward Jeff and his two friends. I was behind Doug and his 3 friends. Jeff could not see me and he ignored them at first. When he and his friends realized that they were being approached, they froze in confusion. Doug and his friends ran to Jeff’s two friends and moved them out of the way. Jeff was looking at them and not at me as I approached.
He looked down and over to me. Realization registered on his face and my window was closing. I threw my first punch since I was 12. I was aiming for his nose and I missed, but my currency enhanced fist found purchase on his forehead just above his eyebrows.
He stood there. He seemed to look at me, but there was a glaze in his eyes like no one was home. I threw another punch. I felt something shatter in my hand and I heard coins bounce on asphalt. He was on the ground out cold. Jeff’s friends scattered into the night as did Doug’s friends. Doug walked over to me, looked at my hand which I was clutching to my chest and said, “Let’s go to the hospital.”
I ended up with two fingers splinted and taped together for weeks. But we never heard from Jeff again. We lost a lot of battles, but we won that one.
Did I want to fight? No. Was anyone helping us from the adult world? No. Was there a better way? I don’t know.
Sharon’s Influence
With the memories of what life is like without adults to help you in a broken system, I took Sharon’s words to heart.
My column in the local paper became vocally outspoken for teenage girls and queer youth. Earning the trust of the young people in the town I was in I listened to the whisper network and found out two youth leaders at a UCC and a Baptist church in town were toxic and not safe. I went to those churches and their boards. I was unrelenting and the youth leaders were no longer near children in my town.
The teens? We did regular nights where we separated the genders for a night and let the ones beyond the binary choose their room. The girls spoke with a leader closer to their age and vented about the things they experienced in misogyny. One boy was selected by the girls to observe in silence.
Meanwhile I was talking to the boys about consent, violence against women, bullying, our queer classmates who need to be our friends. The male spy would come back and report what he heard without naming specific people. And every one of these it started with something like, “Holy shit guys! We are horrible and this is horrible and we need to not be horrible and shit! I can’t understand how we don’t see this!”
When I got word that a kid was being bullied or targeted I would start with the principal, then the superintendent, then the courts and filing Title IX complaints to the school board and talking to a local congress person who listened to me.
With partners I made with the local library and another church we did screenings of the documentary Bully. We also started an off campus GSA while working tirelessly with students who fought for 2 years to get one in the school.
As far as the kids. They not only had a few adults who would listen to them and fight for them, I gave them the tools to fight in the moment. I spoke with Master at the dojo my child was a black belt, student instructor, and multiple medal and trophy winner at.
I told him about what was happening with these kids. Master hosted a special session where they learned practical self defense techniques to get out of immediate danger. It was hands on and took hours. Then he did something I did not expect. He offered any of the kids who wanted it a 9 week scholarship and a free gi and an opportunity to be a part of the same family in his dojo that gave my child so much.
In one instance one of the kids from our group saw two boys jump a gay teen for being gay. He ran into the fray and used what he learned to get the two assailants off of the young man. He then got the young man to the safety of his house and called the police.
I helped the young man and his mother get a retraining order against his assailants, and with the local PD, we made sure the reluctant school enforced the restraining order.
The Difference Was Never Me
I used to get a lot of credit for my initiatives and to this day I get credit for what I have done for my child and their LGTQIA+ friends. BUt it was never me. It was the women who inspired me and cut through the toxic bullshit.
None of that happened without an Avril Lavigne fan who spoke assertively to me and reminded me of the others. Cassie, Catalina, Sarah, Heather, Norah, and Jenny. A young women influenced by a pop punk star tapped into the influences of my generation that I had suppressed from my memories as I became a cog in the wheel of the oppressive system of too many factions within Christianity. She watered the weeds in my garden that choked hate allowing ever resilient dandelions to thrive.
Being nice doesn’t change things. Accepting a broken system will not help anyone. Tipper Gore made sure women like Avril Lavigne, Cyndi Lauper, and Joan Jett had parental advisory stickers. Maybe those who hold up oppressive systems need a warning that powerful women and change is coming.
Change happens out there! With our talents, our money, our efforts, our involvement and a refusal to accept the complicity that is silence.
Took a few decades and several teenage girls of various generations to teach me that.
Support Gen X Watch!
There are three ways you can do this:
1. Share this story with a friend and leave a comment.
2. Tip me! I need your support!
3. Become a Members Only Patreon!
Thank you for your support and taking the time to read this.
Stay Totally Awesome! Stay true to you.
Leave a Reply