Be Excellent to Each Other Instead of Bogus!

Person on ground about to be kicked by person standing above them

The Harvard Institute of Politics did a study on youth fears regarding democracy. IOP Polling Director John Della Volpe feels that there’s a healthy debate raging on the reasons why Millennials and Gen Z are concerned. Politicians, media, big money, and structural barriers like racism and access to education are all contributing factors in the eyes of the young. In his words, “There is no debate that young people are working hard to bridge these divides, finding pragmatic solutions and instilling hope for a stronger democracy.” I wish the studies found the same were true of us.

I fear we are becoming monsters.

I recently posted an opinion. It did not go well. It was not even my strongest opinion but people who support Biden and those who want a new democratic candidate both assumed I was attacking their side. I looked online for opinions by friends and the reactions of others. The level of cruelty and lack of reasonable and earnest discussion was alarming.

If your views are not pure and do not perfectly align with another, you will face hurtful wrath.

As someone who has religious trauma and used to be a minister I know a thing or three about purity tests.

I also know how social media distorts us.

Gen X Watch columnist Jeremy Ritch has spoken time and time again about Gatekeepers and I have written article after article about not measuring up to a religious ideal and what it does to you.

Gen X and Boomers represent a large demographic of Facebook users and this is part of the problem.

The Whistleblower America Ignored

Portrait of Frances Haugen. A woman with blonde hair.

In 2021, former Meta employee Frances Haugen put her safety and security on the line to reveal inside information about META. Though she testified to the United States Congress, unlike Canada and Europe, her efforts and sacrifice and data were largely ignored.

For this article we are going to focus on two aspects. Extremism and the illusion of agency.

In her testimony she spoke about political divide and META’s potential role.

“Facebook knows—they have admitted in public—that engagement-based ranking is dangerous without integrity and security systems but then not rolled out those integrity and security systems in most of the languages in the world. It is pulling families apart. And in places like Ethiopia it is literally fanning ethnic violence.”

MIT Senior AI editor Karen Hao expounds on the harm.

The machine-learning models that maximize engagement also favor controversy, misinformation, and extremism: put simply, people just like outrageous stuff. Sometimes this inflames existing political tensions. The most devastating example to date is the case of Myanmar, where viral fake news and hate speech about the Rohingya Muslim minority escalated the country’s religious conflict into a full-blown genocide. Facebook admitted in 2018, after years of downplaying its role, that it had not done enough “to help prevent our platform from being used to foment division and incite offline violence.

In a 2016 review by the Wall Street Journal, a company researcher, Monica Lee, found that Facebook was not only hosting a large number of extremist groups but also promoting them to its users: “64% of all extremist group joins are due to our recommendation tools,” the presentation said, predominantly thanks to the models behind the “Groups You Should Join” and “Discover” features.

So they know this. Why has it not been addressed?

In 2018 WSJ reviewed an internal META document. Fixing the problem would reduce engagement. Reduced engagement means less ads and data they can sell. The task force created to solve the problem was disbanded when all proposals were counter to growth.

Our META Facebook engagement is fed by an amygdala masturbating addictive dopamine rush of extremist views and division for profit. At least that is my opinion based on the data. And we become more amygdala driven and less kind and less rational.

The Illusion of Agency

Haugen stated to congress that, “I believe Facebook’s products harm children, stoke division, and weaken our democracy.” She further gave solutions that were executable. With some tweaks to Section 230 of the US Communications Decency Act, which protects tech platforms from taking responsibility for the content it distributes, the rules META plays by can be changed allowing for less collective manipulation literally restoring agency as opposed to the collective manipulation Boomers and Xers appear to suffer from on Facebook.

She closed her testimony by stating, “I came forward at great personal risk because I believe we still have time to act, but we must act now.” They didn’t. And now with the great BETA test on humanity called AI, the algo seems to have gotten worse. So have we.

In 2021, MIT Technology Review backed many of these findings. In the article you learn that META’s AI algorithms gave it an insatiable habit for lies and hate speech. Now the man who built them can’t fix the problem and lives with the remorse of what has been created.

This is not just the right. This is all of us.

The Impact On Your Friends and Followers

Blue eye with tears flowing out

We already see that democracy and human life is at risk and it is preventable. But the problem is, infused with keyboard courage, we attack one another and it has an impact.

According to a 2020 study by the National Institutes of Health, most who are harmed online often stay silent out of embarrassment, fear, and shame. This is not just a problem for adolescents online. This is adults as well. What is at risk to another human being that is literally listed as a friend when we attack them?

This is not something I want to suffer anymore, and I do. This is not something I want to do to someone that I care about, and I have. Awareness of manipulation is the first part of freedom.

My Plea

It is hard to admit that not everything we have thought and believed is solely from our own free will or esteemed calculated research. As a survivor of abuse and religious trauma I know how emasculating it is to admit that your beliefs and behaviors were influenced by something or someone. But it is in that admission that you begin to find freedom.

In this election cycle many are in the same boat. Many are terrified of another Trump presidency. Anyone who has taken time to read and study Project 2025 knows there is a lot to be afraid of.

The first debate between Biden and Trump combined with current approval ratings and polls left many shocked and scared. There are some who see this as a rallying point to ensure that Biden wins the election. There are others that have concerns as to if Biden is the right candidate right now. Both views are valid.

What is invalid is the baseless accusations and bullying we are doing to one another. All the various camps in the wake of the debate have the same concern. Project 2025 and Trump.

Beyond that there are people who have concerns about the Biden administration’s handling of Israel and Palestine. Others feel he has broken promises made to black communities, youth and women. Still others feel that the main focus should be celebration of reduced inflation, record jobs, and infrastructure. All of the above views are valid.

More than one thing can be true and not all things that concern one will concern another.

But we do not count to ten, take a breath, know that we have the same concerns and not freak the fuck out on other people.

Honestly? I do not express most of my views anymore on social media. It used to be fun. I used to learn from others as we exchanged views and ideas. Now I am afraid of my “friends” and I am embarrassed about how shitty a friend I have been to some. This is not a good way to live. In preparation I have polled some trauma survivors and the testimonies are horrific and your friends are hurting and in pain.

Rigorous Debate Made Me Kinder

I met Music and Social columnist Jeremy Ritch online in 2006. We were both in an online forum regarding Jay Bakker the son of Jim and Tammie Faye Bakker. Jay Bakker had recently come out as an ally to LGBTQIA+ people and it was nationally controversial. At the time I was still under the influence of evangelical Christianity and thought being gay was a sin.

A national figure from the ex gay movement came to the forums and was cruel to the queer people online. I made a stand against him which led to his removal from the forum. I disagreed with people but I could not tolerate the cruelty of someone from “my side”. This opened a door.

Jeremy Ritch and two queer Christians, who knew what my view was, saw this and decided to trust me and befriend me. I cannot imagine what it is to befriend someone who dares to have an opinion on your sexuality, but they did. Between 2006 and 2008 they wore me down with data and love. In that time and in that space I was able to see that my views were wrong, based on bad data, and a dash of gaslighting and manipulation.

I am not saying anyone is under obligation to have their identity disregarded. Three people made a very hard and brave choice because they thought I was worth the hurt. And for the life of my child and countless others I am forever beholden to them.

What I am saying is that being an asshole to someone who sees things differently will just get people hurt and banned. Having a different view and willing to engage and not allow bullies, even if they are on your side, may foster understanding and begin to build the bridges like the Millennials and Gen Z counterparts are doing.

To be able to do that will mean you will have to be aware of the social media manipulation that keeps you engaged and enraged and overcome the manipulation. It is not as easy as it seems. Vilification is easy. Kindness is difficult.

Monsters and the Abyss

death in hood and skull

This oft misunderstood Nietzsche quote is sometimes seen as one should not fight monsters. What we often see is:

“Battle not with monsters, lest ye become a monster, and if you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.”

In the original German it looks like:

Wer mit Ungeheuern kämpft, mag zusehn, dass er nicht dabei zum Ungeheuer wird. Und wenn du lange in einen Abgrund blickst, blickt der Abgrund auch in dich hinein.”

More accurately in English would be:

“Whoever battles monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster himself. And when you look long into the abyss, the abyss also looks into you.”

What monsters are we battling?

This is an important question.

What world are we fighting for?

This is an important question.

What might we become if we are not mindful?

This is an uncomfortable but important question.

How will our own monstrous behaviors harm the world we are fighting for?

Well fuck! That is scary, isn’t it?

I have stared into the abyss on the precipice of annihilation as I tried to take my own life. In my wake was people who I had hurt. I saw that in some ways I had become a monster, and in my merciless world I crafted with purity tests and fury, all monsters needed to be destroyed.

Don’t be bogus.

Be excellent to each other before it is too late.

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